Beginning of Week 2 - Assignments, thoughts

I grew up wanting to belong to the "clean plate club". My grandmother was always very happy when I was a "club" member, after all, there are starving children in China! So I was told. However, as my mentor, San, has put it (paraphrased) there's no greater waste than over eating and your body has to store the food as FAT!
One of the assignments I have this week is to think of the cost versus the payoff to loose weight and make the healthy changes.

COSTS:
1. When fat is stored my body has to work harder to function. My heart has to pump harder. My body aches. I'm more sedentary - it's more of a chore to exercise; it's not pleasant in the beginning, again, because it is uncomfortable on my body.
2 Clothes don't fit. Takes longer to get ready. Look and feel older.
3. low self-esteem, depression sets in, sense of defeat - after the yo-yo syndrome of 20+ years.
4. Cost, literally. Over the years I have spent a LOT of money on diet products, shots, pills, gym memberships, surgery, diet programs - nutrisystem, optifast, weight watchers, physician weight loss, phen-phen, etc, etc, etc. My girlfriend's son just lost 40 lbs by skateboarding. She told me this is the only program Tina hasn't tried. If I didn't think I would break my neck, I probably would have bought the skateboard already.
5. Fat is GROSS. I can still see Oprah and the red wagon pulling 70lbs (approx) of fat after she when on one of her diets.
6. When I eat certain foods it affects my energy level. If I have sugar, then I have the roller coaster syndrome. I'm up for a while, then I crash. It affects how I think, too. My cognitive level is cloudy.

PROS
1. Feelings. One of the pros of being fit is feeling alive, feeling vibrant.
2. Being on top of the world with an I can do anything attitude. Making positive changes. Advancing, not regressing. Confidence greatly increased.
2. Heathier on the body. Cholesterol down. Being able to come off some prescriptions. Body is stronger - can go longer and do more.
3. Will want to exercise. Feels really good on the body.
4. Shopping is FUN. There are some pretty cute clothes on the market today. Seeing myself in trendy clothes is energizing.
5. Eating and drinking less is healthier on the budget, too. When food and drink becomes less of an obsession, there is less to buy.
6. Looking and feeling younger. As I approach 50 (3 years from Saturday) I want to feel and look better than I did in years. I think of all the positve changes this year for me (and Bernie, too). Mike is happy in his group home. We are starting our life over again, and we are living for US. I want to do things for ME. I want to experience life to the fullest, and part of that plan is being healthy.

Another one of my exercises this week is to come up with a name for my "alter ego". I like San's group's name - JAWZ. JAWZ is like the mean shark that has been a preditor, always lurking like a lion to keep me where I don't want to be. Jawz lies to me. Jawz tells me it's ok to have this one this or that. (This one glass of wine, this one brownie, this one bowl of ice cream.) But he is just that - a liar. It's the small, steadfast positive decisions which add up to success & change. I am learning that JAWZ is a spoiled baby, always wanting his way. Always wanting to keep me in turmoil. (I also have the visual of the devil vs. the angel on my shoulder.) JAWZ wants me to think it's too hard to be thin. He wants me to think "fat and happy" and that's a LIE. It's NOT happy to be fat. (Actually, I'm laughing right now because instead of typing FAT, I typed FART. And yes, being fat actually sinks!) Oh I'm so glad I can write my innermost thoughts here. :)

One of the things my dear friend, Gerri, said is to take the Going, Going, Gone supplement faithfully. She said that made a huge difference for her. It releases stored fat, and working in conjunction with the increased comsumption of water, I'm going to wash that FAT right out of my body.

Nothing will feel as good as being think, finally. My quest for over 1/2 my life! Fat has shapped me, in the past. THIN is in, and it's where I'm heading. I'm going to be healthy. I'm making positive and proactive changes. Slight Edge.

Figure 8, Baby

It's been a while since I've been here. I'm back on track with the healthy eating. This time it's Arbonne's program, Figure 8.

One of the things I'm learning is to make small choices & view every bite, sip, etc., as either food or poison. When you stop and think of this, it does help.

Today at lunch I was tempted to finish every piece of my wrap, even though I was very full. I stopped when satisfied, though. Each positive decision, is a step in the right direction. My mentor, Sandra, shared some great thoughts. Doing something, is better than doing nothing at all.

I started @ 194.4. My goal is to loose 30 pounds by May 17, which is when Bern and I go on vacation. We have NEVER been on a vacation for an entire week together - in 20 years of marriage. Let me correct that. We have visited family for a week, but we've never went to the beach together for an entire week. We did spend 5 nights in Cancun, with my Arbonne friends. Had a wonderful, amazing time. Now, 5/17/09, we are going to Myrtle Beach for one week.

One of the positive things I'm doing is eating a good lunch and having a protein shake and steamed veggies for dinner. Also trying to increase my water, as I know that is way down.

I went fuel shopping and purchased just "fuel" for my body. I bought some low cal soup and some yummy fruit. I'm also searching for an eliptical machine. I have a gym membership, but I've been working crazy hours and it's closed when I get home. I've also been parking far away from the door at work and choosing to get in additional steps that way. When the weather gets a little better I'll be walking at lunch, too.